Restoring Trust in a Relationship, Even After an Affair

How do you get your ex back even after you’ve cheated?  Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship.  But I disagree.  I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work on it.  This article is about restoring trust in relationships.


Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment in attitude and actions.  Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship.  But that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple.  


If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray.  There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased.  But you can heal the disease.


What was it that you were looking for when you strayed?  Was the sex humdrum?  Was she too busy for you?  Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?


You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect.  So, what needs to be done to fix it?  Often that lies in self analysis.  But just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.


Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems.  Sometimes that means going into couples counseling.


But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough.  The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.


The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.  


One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them.  If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it.  And, do it consistently.  When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.


Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed.  This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time.  You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course.  It is not easy for her to forgive the breach.  If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.


This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever.  In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building.  Just be understanding.


Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident.  Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature.  Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.


Restoring trust in a relationship takes time.  It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions.  But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.

How A Rebound Can Work in Your Favor

If you have broken up with the love of your life and she is in a rebound relationship, how do you get her back?


A rebound relationship is one where she is dating someone else to get over you.  Rebound relationships keep people from having to deal with the emotions of breaking up.  They’re used to help people move on from a real love.


And that’s the key to getting your ex back.  She’s in a rebound relationship to deal with losing you.


It does not matter why she lost you.  It doesn’t matter if it is your fault or hers.  It doesn’t even matter who actually called the relationship off.  What matters is that you have a real love.


Because virtually all relationships founded on real love can be saved.


If she’s in a rebound relationship, she will be focusing on what is wrong with your relationship.  If you were a “good guy” she’ll probably be hanging out with a “bad boy.”  If you were into philosophy, he’ll be watching Monday Night Football.  Or, vice versa.


The fact that she is actually focusing on the differences in your styles is actually good for you for two reasons.  Her attention is still focused on you even when she’s with the new guy.  And, it gives you a chance to see what she’s looking for.


If she’s with someone as different from you as possible, it means that she was missing something in your relationship.  You can use the time she’s with rebound man to improve yourself.


Let the rebound relationship run its course.  Because, as she spends time with the new guy, she’ll start to see the flaws in him.  After a month or so with rebound man, you’ll start to look pretty good.


That’s why you don’t want to crawl back to her right away.  Let her develop the idea that she misses the good things in the relationship.  When she’s ready to make a move, be magnanimous.  Welcome her back graciously.  Be a new and improved boyfriend, but don’t do the chasing.


Here are some specific steps to take when your ex is in a rebound relationship:


· Don’t try to convince her that you are the love of her life.  Let her discover this on her own.


· Don’t apologize profusely.  If you did something wrong, you can say you’re sorry.  Once.  But move on.  She knows the real reason she loves you.


· Don’t make promises to change.  You are who you are and that’s who she fell in love with.


· Don’t try to make her see that it wasn’t your fault.  She will come to appreciate that over time – but only if you haven’t made her invest energy in defending her position that it was your fault.


· Never, ever beg her to take you back.


When you ex starts going out with someone just after you break up, she’s in a rebound relationship.  You can make up with her and get back together.  Don’t despair.  The rebound relationship is a sign that she’s still in love with you.

Emotionally charged experiences = BOND

Jerome L.S here from overcomeseperation.blogspot.com

Is there something you can learn by being 
robbed at gunpoint?

As TW Jackson explains in the Magic Of Making Up System


after your initial contact...you want to set up your
"1st Date" again.

AND...the MOST important part, the secret and
the part nobody else but T Dub will tell ya :-)...is the date HAS
to be EMOTIONALLY CHARGED.

Okay?

That DOES NOT mean 'dinner and a movie'.

because...well...it's BORING...and does not 
create a bonding...or in our case a RE-bonding
experience.

In fact, you want to pack in several emotionally
charged mini-dates in a span of a couple hours.

Why?

If you just do 'dinner and a movie' you lose
out on a Sociologically PROVEN principle...

emotionally charged experiences = bond

Look at it in another way.

Last time you went to the bank, do you
remember the person in line in front of you?

Behind you?

Probably not. Me either.

But...

What if while you were in the bank, it
was ROBBED AT GUNPOINT?

and the robbers couldn't get the safe open. The
robbers are livid,  screaming and waving huge guns
around. The tension feels so thick you could
cut through it with a knife.

You are lying face down on the cold bank floor
and can see your breath fogging up the tile below.

You are trembling...because it is eerily silent
for a moment.

"Oh my god!"

"Where are the robbers?"

"Are they behind me?"

"Are they watching me?"

So you slowly move your eyes around and
see a sweet older lady lying right next to you.

She looks a little like Grandma, and you come
out of your own haze enough to realize that she
is even more terrified than you. She is softly sobbing.

You slowly reach out and take her hand in yours
and give her a little squeeze that says..."it's gonna
be all right."

NOW!

Let me ask?

Are you going to EVER forget that older lady?

and...

Do you think she will EVER forget you?

Not in a million Sundays!

Now...I'm not saying to go rob a bank on
your first date! 

But you want to go on an EMOTIONALLY
charged and exciting date...and preferably several
mini-dates in a span of a couple hours.

A short roller coaster ride is one GREAT example.


T Dub teaches you more about things like emotionally
charged dates in the Magic Of Making Up System.


You'll also discover psychological tactics and techniques
you can use to get you BACK on that first date with your
ex again.

Best Wishes,
Jerome L.S


**PS Get a special unannounced bonus called 'Mind Magic'
when you reserve your copy of the Magic Of Making Up
System through this special link:


http://jaerome.makingup.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=track

What really keeps her happy?

Do you know how to keep a woman happy?  Here is some advice on relationships for men.


The first advice on relationships item I have for you is to always be yourself.  Many men don’t feel that they are good enough to catch a beautiful, sexy woman, so they put on a show.  But a confident man is the sexiest beast around.  Have you ever noticed that some of the ugliest guys have some of the prettiest women?  That is because they display a level of confidence that is more attractive to women than physical looks.


Next, you should do the little things.  This means offering to take her car in for an oil change or giving her a bag of Jelly Bellies (her favorite flavors) from time to time.  Sometimes men think in terms of “grand gestures,” when it is the little things add up to long relationships.


This ties into the next piece of advice on relationships: appreciate her.  You shouldn’t take her for granted.  Let her know that you value her.


Next up is not obviously looking at other women when you are with her.  Women think that you are comparing her to the woman you’re looking at.  They don’t understand the whole concept of “the day I stop looking is the day I die.”  This comes from the biological drive for monogamy in women.  Women are looking for a lifetime partner for a man with whom they can raise children.  They can’t help it.  That’s how evolution designed them.  So minimize the ogling, especially when she’s around.


You should try to make her laugh.  While men list good looks at the top of the things they need in a woman, women list a man’s sense of humor.  So, if you want the relationship to last, keep her laughing.


The next bit of advice on relationships comes in seeking common interests.  It’s great if you got together because of a hobby or an interest, but it still helps when you take an interest in a long standing passion of hers.  If this means developing an appreciation for foreign films, so be it.  This shows that you care about her and she’ll know you are one in a million.


Once you get the girl, it may seem like you don’t have to try anymore – at least as far as grooming goes.  And, while women are less sensitive to looks than men are, they still like a man who makes an attempt.  So, shave on weekends.  Keep in touch with the latest fashion trends for men.  In short, don’t get sloppy just because you’ve landed her.  You can unland her just as easily.


She’s going to need to know that she can integrate you into her circle of family and friends.  A man must be part of her larger life, especially after the first few weeks of passion are over.  So, make an effort to get along with her girlfriends and impress her parents.  A woman relies on her social network to validate her relationship choices.  Make an effort.


You should always be considerate of her feelings.  Women are less stable than guys.  Part of this is hormonal.  When you are sensitive to her mood, you won’t get on her bad side.


The final piece of advice on relationships is to be open to trying new things.  At the beginning of a relationship, everything is new from the types of dates you arrange to the way you kiss.  But, after a while, these things become routine.  If you find that your relationship has fallen into a rut, shake things up.  Try something new.  It will go a long way to keeping your relationship healthy.


So, there are ten bits of advice on relationships to keep your dating life strong. Look you guys, these things are common sense and the fact is I almost drove my sweetheart out of my life because I didn't pay attention to what I was doing. There is a book that woke me up written by T 'Dub' Jackson called "The Magic Of Making Up". After I read it and began applying his common sense suggestions, our love life turned around. Not only that all of my personal relationships, with friends, co-workers and my family have become much smother than they were before.


You might want to check out "The Magic of Making Up" yourself.

Some of the best selling relationship books could possibly do more damage

If your ex has just broken up with you, you may be in the marketplace for books on relationships.  But how do you choose the best books on relationships among the many offerings out there?


In this article, I will show you how to choose the best books on relationships.  And the answer will surprise you.  Read on…


First, don’t be fooled by fancy letters after a author’s name.  There are many people who find school to be a convenient escape from real life.  Instead of engaging with people, they spend their time in the classroom and library.  As a result, they end up with a lot of letters after their names when they hit age 35.  They use their degrees to indicate that they have “expert knowledge” of a situation.  But does their expertise work in the real world?  


Instead, you should look for books on relationships by authors who have been in the trenches.  They’ve either put a bad relationship back together themselves or they have helped countless buddies do the same.  These aren’t therapy patients that come in for the “fifty minute hour” either.  These relationships are those of people the author cares deeply about.


Next, you want to find books that don’t boil down to “put the relationship aside for 30 days and work on yourself during that period.”  This is all most “save your relationship” or “get your ex back” reports say.  Many of the ebooks on the market turn that concept into 50 page documents.  These are just pieces of fluff and don’t deserve your attention – or your money.


Instead, you should look for a book that will give you new information; information that you’re friends can’t give you.  


For instance, will the book tell you what women crave the most?  Will it give you a step by step guide for how to give it to her?  Will the book show you how to recover from an affair?  Will it give you specific techniques to get relief from your pain?


Finally, look at who is recommending the book.  Do the testimonials seem a little generic?  Were they written by the author’s brother and second cousin?


You want to find books on relationships that come recommended by a wide variety of people, in various situations, from all walks of life.  If it looks like both a guy from England and a newly engaged woman from Kansas have used the book, chances are it will work for you.


There are many books on relationships on the market.  Unfortunately, most of them are drivel because they weren’t written by someone in the trenches.  As a result, they have generic advice that could be best summed up in a paragraph or two.  Then, what recommendations the book can get are generic in nature, because the book really has nothing going for it.


Finding the best books on relationships can take a little work.  But, everything about relationships are work.  Shouldn’t you invest the time and money in the very best book out them?

How Can I Get My Ex Back After He Has Moved On?

Have you lost your boyfriend, and are now asking for help on how to get my ex back when he's moved on? Don't bother moping, because what you have lost does not mean you have lost it forever. Here are some quick and simple tips for learning how to get your ex back even if he has moved on to another woman and no longer appears to be interested in associating with you.


1 - The first step to getting the man of your dreams back is finding a way to convince him that he still wants you. Unless he really, really does not want anything to do with you, then there are a number of options that you can employ from this point on.


2 - One of the most advantageous things that you can do is simply to be his friend. Make a really good friend to him, showing him that you understand him and that you can be around him without creating any drama. Show him that you can joke around with him and have a healthy friendship with him. When the drama and stress of the relationship and breakup have subsided, he may realize that he wants you again.


3 - When you communicate with your ex boyfriend, be sweet and kind to him but don't be afraid to have a little bit of attitude. You are going to want him to want you, but you're also going to want to give him the feeling that he cannot have you just yet. While playing games is not the best way to go, you do not want give an air of hard to get, making him more interested in the process. 


4 - You should be playing a little bit hard to get, but you also want to make sure that he knows you are available. You shouldn't completely rule out the concept of flirting and hanging out with friends, because drumming up a little bit of jealousy never hurt anyone - But it is important that you play it safe because if he doesn't think you are available, he probably will not find the motivation to pursue you.


5 - Avoid acting desperate at all costs. If you act desperate, your ex boyfriend will under estimate you. You are going to want to play things cool, letting him know that you are okay with everything that has happened, and that you are willing to move on. If you act desperate, things won't work out the way you are intending them to, so avoid doing this at all costs.


6 - Any time that you know he is looking at you, or if you feel like he is looking at you, look at him out of the corner of your eye. This sidelong glance will let him know that you are paying attention to him, but in a mysterious "you can't have me" kind of way.


7 - Casually remind him of some of the best times that you have had together. These good memories will help him to remember how good the two of you used to be together. Don't bring up any bad memories, because it will only hurt his bad side, which will not do you any good.


These are just the beginning steps in winning your Ex back. They are the initial steps I followed when I lost the love of my life. And frankly these aren't my original ideas. I turned to T 'Dub' Jackson when I had no idea of how to get my true love back.


T 'Dub' authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan called "The Magic Of Making Up". And you know, it worked like magic for us. Now we are more in love than ever.

Healing A Broken Relationship

Broken relationships take an awful toll on everyones emotions. It is one of the worst feelings you can experience. Depending on how much you love your ex the break up may leave you feeling desperate for a second chance. If your willing to do whatever it takes to heal the relationship and make it stronger than ever this is an article for your eyes.


To begin healing a broken relationship one must identify the conflict which severed the union to begin with. Figuring out what you did wrong is so very crucial because you get a good idea of what not to do this time around and that increases potential for a successful reunition. If your
ex has had a problem with you constantly trying to contact them then you know you must stop that behavior. You want to do the opposite of anything you do to provoke your ex. Instead of trying to call or text your ex lover try writing a letter, not email or text message a hand written letter
expressing your feelings. Giving them a hand written letter will show them how sincere you are about wanting a second chance at love.


So to briefly wrap everything up, in order to succeed in getting your ex back you will need to first identify any conflicts from the past that may have caused the break up to occur. Once you do that it is important to list those conflicts for future reference. At this point is where you begin to write a letter in which you express your feelings and such but remember it must be handwritten.